NEW BLOG! ZOMG!

http://26letterstoart.blogspot.com/

It is more geared towards art. Which is appropriate, because thats how my life is. Please come on over and become a follower! You'll get to see cool photos and hear about my new and in progress work. WOOT.

The one with Location, Location, Location.

There is a certain footnote to taking a photograph. In fact there are many. But one in particular has always bothered me and in the past few weeks has really just pissed me off. It is commonly believed that you must take a photograph in an exotic place, to get a rock star of an image. I hate that so much. It is so untrue it gives me an ulcer to think about the poor people that believe it. And I almost began to believe it recently! Until my angel of an instructor Gary Sutton commented “You don’t have to be in an extraordinary place to take an extraordinary image.” Truer words have never been spoken. (Unless you count the whole ‘One small step for man’ thing) Anyway, recently I have been trying to really capture things around me and embrace this mantra. I’m trying to find the actual photograph and not find a location to photograph.

I just bought a 4x5 view camera. If you are not familiar, they are amazing. The quality they output is better than digital. The negatives are the most beautiful things I have ever seen. Anyway, I think I’m going to mash up the perceived ‘dirtiness’ of the mantra and the beauty of the 4x5. This is going to infuriate my fellow photogs so much. I can’t wait.

Im Still Alive.

This may come as a surprise. But I'm still alive. I know, and I'm sorry. I've failed to write anything in quite awhile. I will truly try to keep up better once summer is over.

Travis

The one with A Little History & An Update

Hello faithful readers. It’s been a long time since I last infiltrated your self-imposed moral responsibilities (wrote a blog). As always I have no viable reason for this other than my obligations as an erotic fiction writer have more than doubled with the onset of summer. That was a lie. In actuality I’ve been getting a lot of business as of late and have been busy with that. And as usual my wife that is art stole back my attention from my mistress that is writing. But alas! My bastard child, who is undoubtedly this blog, has been rescued from the cold, damp, locked basement.

Here is a history lesson. I used to be a “scene” kid. Tight pants, band buttons, punching whilst dancing, and underground concerts. I then realized what I looked like tied a noose of strong rope and hung my…tight pants up for good. You thought I was going to kill myself didn’t you? Inappropriate? Screw it. Anyway, I’ve been getting into punk music again recently. One band that I really like and that is also paying me nothing to write this is “Cage the Elephant". As far as I know they only have one CD out on iTunes. I’ll be honest, I bought it because it was cheap and I needed some new music. AC/DC LIVE, that I’ve been listening to since junior high, was getting old. So I bought this cheap CD. The music is actually pretty good. I mean, you can’t really expect much from the music industry lately; with the RIAA being the anal-retentive bastards they are and ‘Hanna Montana’ music being taken seriously. But it’s nice to know that good music still exists. Speaking of music, why won’t rap die?! It’s been around for nearly 20 years. It’s time is up. But you all know my position on rap.

As I write this I am travelling cross-country to Washington DC for some photo business. Here are a few quick observations: Indiana is a crapshoot, Ohio is beautiful, Chicago is nuts, paying a toll every five miles is annoying, and the great lakes are really huge.

One last quick note. I tried early last month to become a video blogger, or a ‘vlogger’ for you hip 10 year olds out there. It didn’t work. I feel much more at home with lines of text then a looking at a box, with a single infinitely deep, black eye staring back. So that’s enough of that. For now my home resides here at the Mashup, well that and my local gentlemen’s club, and the liquor store…and that Opium den down the street from my house.

Travis

The one with A Bumper Sticker & Canada

Bumper stickers. A great way to communicate your lack of refinement as a human being without having to speak. Kickin'. My eyes were burned recently. I saw a bumper sticker that said "God, Guns, Country and Hockey too!" For the love of Jerry Lee Lewis. Is it possible to sound more redneck? To make matters more hilarious this sticker also read "McCain/Palin 08"; for the bonus funnies someone had attempted to take it off but that red blooded American sticker held on like a fat, beer drinking, grass chewing hick holds on to his gun. Man what a metaphor. As a side note, I just want to say I love "McCain/Palin 08" stickers that are still on cars. They are just a beautiful representation of the typical American stereotype. But lets throw this bumper sticker's manufacturer a bone and try this out mathematically. God + Guns ≠ America. Country + Hockey ≠ America. Okay so this isn't looking good, lets keep working. God + Guns = Terrorists. Oh man, not good. I'm afraid to go on. Country + Hockey = Canada. Heaven's to betsy! That man was a Canadian terrorist! Someone call the Pentagon! (I don't have their number anymore. It's kind of a long story. I mean, we dated, once. I tried to kiss the Pentagon at the end of the night, but apparently the Pentagon doesn't put out on the first date) Wow, I guess anyone can be a terrorist these days. Who knew the Canadians would come after us? Me. Thats right. I knew. It makes sense. We have football, cheese burgers, gross overweight people and gross underweight people (for balance), government wire tapping, and to top it off Hummers. Bam. Suck it Canada. All they have is Hockey (as we discovered above) and maple syrup. Sure, thats a stereotype but lets be honest. Its true. (I'm just kidding Canada. Seriously, please accept my citizenship application. I really want free health care and I kinda wanna to learn French. I can recite the first two words of "O Canada". See? Take me. Please) What is the lesson of the day? Don't trust bumper stickers to be mathematically true, be cautious when traveling in the south because Canadian terrorists reside there, and I have submitted a fake citizenship application to the Canadian Office of Citizenship just to make this blog factually true. Thats how much I love you.

P.S. I just realized I have been getting comments on these gratuitous blabberings. I do read them and keep them coming. I love reading about myself. It is the only form of self-esteem building I get. (Lie)

Travis

The one about Stupid Shirts

I don't know what it is about stupidity that sparks creativity in me, but it does. I was surfing the net like any geek does on a Friday night. (Don't judge me.) I came upon a typical 'funny' shirt website. My eyes drifted from shirt to shirt. Pun this, frat joke that. Then I found this little gem 'With a shirt like this, who needs pants?' Cleaver? Maybe. Wearable? No. This shirt is kinda funny, I'll give it that. However, you can not wear pants while wearing this shirt. Seriously. People will think you are a bigger jackass for wearing pants whilst wearing this shirt. So you have the choice of being a gigantic flaming idiot or being a pant-less pervert. Now, all this could be averted by not buying the shirt, but it's the principle of the thing. So if you own the shirt, what did you do? Really, please contact me if you own and wear the shirt. I want to know. This question has been burning in my oversized brain for like seven minutes.

But that shirt isn't the only example, what about the ones that say "How to keep a idiot busy...(read back)" back says, you guessed it "How to keep a idiot busy...(read front)". Genius. Pure, artistry. (Lie) But boy, do guys (let's be honest, only guys wear these kinds of shirts) look uneducated wearing these bargain bin shirts. They just look unapproachable. Like your IQ will drop dangerous levels if you speak to them. Thats why I always kick those guys in the shins right away when I see them. I have to protect my intellect. However, I'll admit I did at one point own a shirt of this type. By type I mean a 'Social Involvement Shirt' (and I swear to God Dane Cook, if you steal that I'll stab you in the nose). This is any kind of shirt that invites others to comment or chuckle in some little way. My shirt however was a 'Anti-Social Involvement Shirt'. It gained this classification because it read 'Stop reading my shirt.' That my friend is amazing. It puts the inevitable reader in an awkward spot. They want to comment, but if they do they are ignoring your humble request. But there is always the pompous lowlife that does comment. 'Ha, nice shirt man.' I just glare, as if to say 'Can't you read?!' Which is a highly ironic thing to say. Clearly the person can read, for they thought your shirt was funny. However, if they can read why can't they understand your plea? Ignorance I suppose. Anyway, the lesson here children is when you encounter a person with a stupid shirt, kick them in the shins, unless their shirt says not to read it. In which case you should look away quickly and pretend like you saw nothing. That would be most polite.

Travis

The one about Censorship

Okay so this is something I’ve been angered about for a while, but most recently has come to a head. (Yes pun intended, shut up.) Censorship in America. What does it mean? Today it means that a bunch of fat, wealthy jerks sit around a table and decide what it is. Now the reason this has made me so angry recently is because of the new film Watchmen. I read the comic book a while ago and loved it. It really is an awesome piece of literature. But people are freaking out over Dr. Manhattan. To make a long story short, Dr. Manhattan is a frackin’ crazy powerful mo-fo that controls all matter. Nice, okay check. Society is cool with that I guess. He doesn’t exactly wear clothes. WHAT? MY GOD! HOW CAN THIS BE? Truth. The entire film his wang is out and about. So what? Get over it. I have one. So does your dad. Some people like them. Lesbians don’t. It’s an organ. For the love of God stop being so conservative. But the problem is bigger than the film. It is a problem with our nation. We are stuck up, insecure, jackasses. We tell our women what they should look like, but we don’t want to actually see them naked. I do, but it’s a matter of opinion I suppose. Let’s talk swearing. If you have read this blog for a little while you know my undying hate for Tipper Gore. She started the whole “Explicit Content” tag on CDs. I wonder why she didn’t advocate also adding “Beware: You Might Experience Reality” Come on! Lets get real. Swearing, nudity, and violence are a part of our convoluted and sick society. It’s just the way it is. No Tipper Gore bitching for hours will ever change that. Shielding our young from these things instead of easing into them slowly, we kill our children’s idea of reality. Children grow with a thick veneer over their eyes thinking everyone is kind and nice like a Disney movie. Yeah, like everyone sings in high school, toys can talk, and lions can be king. Bull. Here is the solution. Parents and educators should grow some balls and educate children. If you don’t educate children about our society how can they live in it? Long story short, I hate censorship. It is a ridiculous, gratuitous, and parental responsibility that a government agency thinks they deserve the right to govern. (They don’t) Stand up for your right to speak with realistic ideas.

Travis

The one about DTV

Okay so we've all been hearing about the DTV switch since like 1984. Every other commercial, every hour, everyday, "Get ready for the switch! Only 2 years away!" I remember hearing '2009' and thinking "I'll have a flying car by then, I don't care about clearer TV." Well, I made a flying car out of a refrigerator and a toilet seat and the FAA threw me in jail for two months. Fine, thats fair. It crashed and I 'allegedly' killed a few people. Whatever. So the date was February 17, which anyone who is cognitive knows because it was imprinted on our skulls by the government when we were born. Anyway, those last few sentences were a result of an Opium trip. That was a lie. The date was changed by President Obama. I suppose I can't blame him. He did promise change. Damn, I'm hilarious. It was changed some time in the summer. I stopped listening because my ears were bleeding. Which doesn't matter. Because God knows as soon as I stop the bleeding, another commercial will come on. Ugh, four more months of those overly energetic 'informative' people. DTV is pissing people off. A few days ago a guy shot his TV with a shotgun, and was surrounded by a SWAT team, because he couldn't match up coaxial cables. Come on. I feel your pain. But five year olds do what you almost got yourself killed attempting. I say screw DTV. I get HDTV out of a freaking antenna. Speaking of antenna, the company which spawned from Satan's nose, Time Warner has been running commercials implying that antennas won't pick up DTV channels. (BS) To make a long story short. This DTV thing is old news and I want a flying car. SIDE NOTE: The person that designed the physics in Wii bowling must have been Puff the Magic Dragon high on LSD. I swear, the next time my bowling bowl misses a pin by a pixel, I'm going to choke a kitten.

Travis