The one about Stupid Shirts

I don't know what it is about stupidity that sparks creativity in me, but it does. I was surfing the net like any geek does on a Friday night. (Don't judge me.) I came upon a typical 'funny' shirt website. My eyes drifted from shirt to shirt. Pun this, frat joke that. Then I found this little gem 'With a shirt like this, who needs pants?' Cleaver? Maybe. Wearable? No. This shirt is kinda funny, I'll give it that. However, you can not wear pants while wearing this shirt. Seriously. People will think you are a bigger jackass for wearing pants whilst wearing this shirt. So you have the choice of being a gigantic flaming idiot or being a pant-less pervert. Now, all this could be averted by not buying the shirt, but it's the principle of the thing. So if you own the shirt, what did you do? Really, please contact me if you own and wear the shirt. I want to know. This question has been burning in my oversized brain for like seven minutes.

But that shirt isn't the only example, what about the ones that say "How to keep a idiot busy...(read back)" back says, you guessed it "How to keep a idiot busy...(read front)". Genius. Pure, artistry. (Lie) But boy, do guys (let's be honest, only guys wear these kinds of shirts) look uneducated wearing these bargain bin shirts. They just look unapproachable. Like your IQ will drop dangerous levels if you speak to them. Thats why I always kick those guys in the shins right away when I see them. I have to protect my intellect. However, I'll admit I did at one point own a shirt of this type. By type I mean a 'Social Involvement Shirt' (and I swear to God Dane Cook, if you steal that I'll stab you in the nose). This is any kind of shirt that invites others to comment or chuckle in some little way. My shirt however was a 'Anti-Social Involvement Shirt'. It gained this classification because it read 'Stop reading my shirt.' That my friend is amazing. It puts the inevitable reader in an awkward spot. They want to comment, but if they do they are ignoring your humble request. But there is always the pompous lowlife that does comment. 'Ha, nice shirt man.' I just glare, as if to say 'Can't you read?!' Which is a highly ironic thing to say. Clearly the person can read, for they thought your shirt was funny. However, if they can read why can't they understand your plea? Ignorance I suppose. Anyway, the lesson here children is when you encounter a person with a stupid shirt, kick them in the shins, unless their shirt says not to read it. In which case you should look away quickly and pretend like you saw nothing. That would be most polite.

Travis

The one about Censorship

Okay so this is something I’ve been angered about for a while, but most recently has come to a head. (Yes pun intended, shut up.) Censorship in America. What does it mean? Today it means that a bunch of fat, wealthy jerks sit around a table and decide what it is. Now the reason this has made me so angry recently is because of the new film Watchmen. I read the comic book a while ago and loved it. It really is an awesome piece of literature. But people are freaking out over Dr. Manhattan. To make a long story short, Dr. Manhattan is a frackin’ crazy powerful mo-fo that controls all matter. Nice, okay check. Society is cool with that I guess. He doesn’t exactly wear clothes. WHAT? MY GOD! HOW CAN THIS BE? Truth. The entire film his wang is out and about. So what? Get over it. I have one. So does your dad. Some people like them. Lesbians don’t. It’s an organ. For the love of God stop being so conservative. But the problem is bigger than the film. It is a problem with our nation. We are stuck up, insecure, jackasses. We tell our women what they should look like, but we don’t want to actually see them naked. I do, but it’s a matter of opinion I suppose. Let’s talk swearing. If you have read this blog for a little while you know my undying hate for Tipper Gore. She started the whole “Explicit Content” tag on CDs. I wonder why she didn’t advocate also adding “Beware: You Might Experience Reality” Come on! Lets get real. Swearing, nudity, and violence are a part of our convoluted and sick society. It’s just the way it is. No Tipper Gore bitching for hours will ever change that. Shielding our young from these things instead of easing into them slowly, we kill our children’s idea of reality. Children grow with a thick veneer over their eyes thinking everyone is kind and nice like a Disney movie. Yeah, like everyone sings in high school, toys can talk, and lions can be king. Bull. Here is the solution. Parents and educators should grow some balls and educate children. If you don’t educate children about our society how can they live in it? Long story short, I hate censorship. It is a ridiculous, gratuitous, and parental responsibility that a government agency thinks they deserve the right to govern. (They don’t) Stand up for your right to speak with realistic ideas.

Travis