The one with The New Year Wish

Well comrades we made it. It's 2009 and everything is great. The economy is crashing, the government can't find the 700 billion we loaned them for them to loan, and I'll probably be water boarded for saying "comrades". Speaking of the dirty reds, (more patriotic I trust) Cuba is celebrating 50 wonderful years of shared wealth, driving old cars, and the U.S. embargo. AKA 50 years of kick-ass Communism. All right! Way to go Cuba. Momma is proud of you. Anyway, as I mentioned its a new year, and if you are still in your liquor induced comma you needed me to say that again. 2009 means exciting things to come! Well actually the only things I can think of are we are one year closer to humankind being annihilated in 2012 according to the Mayans and that Large Hadron Collider is supposed to create a black hole sometime this summer. Man, I love conspiracy theorists. Remember that cult that all wore Nikes and poisoned themselves with the brilliant idea to catch a ride on Halles Comet? No? Me neither. But I hope something along those lines happens in 2012. Like perhaps a group of people band together to create a human ladder that reaches into space only to discover their mothership only accepts members with rattails. So only that douche Jimbo from back in the ninth grade gets to go. Whoa, that would make a great MTV True Life. "I just got left behind by my mothership because I wasn't redneck enough." Those interviews would be hilarious. But this all hinges in that damn Mayan calender. Its funny how people believe that the Mayans could predict the extinction of the human race, but not their own race. Thats like saying, "My dad was president, why can't I?" Okay now I'm definitely getting water boarded. 

Travis