The one about My Obsession

It is official. I am a typical American consumerist bastard. I have become ridiculously obsessed with home entertainment. In the last month I have acquired an HDTV and a 5.1 surround system. I wont say by what means, but I stole them. Thats not true. Seriously. Joe, from the FBI, my official statement is I didn't steal them. You'll never take me alive. I just can't stop working on making my system better and higher quality. I built stands for the speakers and hijacked my DVD player from my parents, which I was letting them borrow. Hey, it's mine. Anyway, I feel dirty. When I watch Jay Leno in amazing HD, so amazing it's like you could touch his illegally huge chin, with 5.1 Dolby Digital surround sound I think of the children. The children in Africa. Not the hungry ones. The ones who live in huts and don't have HDTV. It's not because they cant afford it, it is simply because Time Warner hasn't figured out a way to exploit them into paying for better signal strength. So I just want to have a Michael Jackson type sleepover, minus the rape, so that all the oppressed African children can see how truly large Leno's chin is. I mean it's monstrous. You could land not only a plane but a fleet of planes on it. It's really big. Seriously. Google it. Really.

Travis